THE RED FLAGS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Most times, it is easy to miss the persistent under current of an abusive behaviour because some abusers hide under the cover of being caring, supporting and providing. The abuser could be your spouse or other romantic partner. They could be your parent, business partner or friends.
No matter who your abuser is, I want you to knowknow that you don’t deserve it, no one does and it’s not your fault. Keep strolling to learn more about the signs of an Abuser.
One of the major signs of Abuser is that they are controlling. An abuser usually want to have the upper hand in everything.
Tools Of The Controlling Game are:
. Monitoring Your Whereabouts: They always want to know where you are, who you are with, and they insist you respond to their calls or texts immediately. They might show up unexpectedly to know if you are telling the truth.
. Spying: They might demand your passwords or check on your net history, chats and call log.
. Financial Control : They usually want you to rely on them, they want you to beg them for money.
. Order: They order you around not caring about your feelings. They tell you what to wear or who to see.
. Lecturing: They make a long talk to lecture you on little mistakes.
. Unpredictability: They will explode with rage out of nowhere, pour affections on you or become moody or darker.
JEALOUSY AND BLAME
This could be seen in an abuser insecurities.
. Cheating: They accuse you of cheating and flirting.
. Isolation : They isolate you from family and friends and sometime by behaving rudely to them.
. Turning the tables: They blame you for their anger.
. Gaslight: An abuser gaslight you, they make you question your own sanity.
. Denying their abuse: When you complain about their abuse, abusers will deny it or blame you for being the cause.
This is a tactic used by abuser to undermine your self esteem
. Yelling: Screaming and yelling are tools meant to intimidate and make you feel small.
. Belittle : They belittle you and make you feel less of yourself.
. Dismissive and name calling : They dismiss you when you being up something important. They blatantly call you judgemental names.
Abusers manipulate your mind. They make you believe that the reason why they are doing that is because they love you and care about you. They make you quit your job, so that you can be isolated. They make you loss contact with friends and family.
. Dehumanize: They’ll look away or find something else to busy themselves when you speak to them.
. Demanding Respect: They always demand that you respect them.
. Socializing: They keep you away from social gathering. They always come up with a distraction or beg you not to go whenever you have plans to go out.
. Withholding Affection: They won’t touch you, not even to hold your hands. They might refuse sexual relations to punish you or to get you to do something. Sometime, they punish you by raping you when you offend them.
. Interrupting : I always want your attention to be on them. I
. Indifference : They see you crying or hurt and do nothing about it.
Now ask yourself if you are in an abusive relationship. Oh! You think you deserve it, no you don’t deserve such, you think he/she is doing that because he loves you? No he/she does not, that’s not how love works.
Stand up today! Break free, stop bitting your tonque while repressing your feeling all in the name of keeping peace. Stop taking the blame, you did not deserve it, stop making a lot of sacrifice to please the other person even when you know it is not reciprocated. Talk to a friend, go to a family, stop neglecting your own needs for the same of theirs. You deserve happiness, real happiness, you did not deserve being in an abusive relationship.
3 THINGS TO DO IF YOU FIND YOURSELF OR IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
. Accept that the abuse is not your fault : Do not blame yourself, do not say you deserve it because you did not.
. Leave the circumstance, atmosphere, environment or relationship: Make it possible to cut all ties, it is not easy but try. Make it clear that it is over, leave and don’t look back. .
. Give yourself time to heal : Do not wallow in self pity. You are great, you are you and you are unique. Speak out, reach out to supportive, friend or family. Know that it is not right and you don’t have to live this way.
References: How to recognize abuse-www.barnsley.gov.uk
How to recognize the signs of mental and emotional abuse – www.healthline.com
Signs of an abusive relationship au.reachout.com